I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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