I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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