Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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