That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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