Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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