The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
