he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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