dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she peed on how many people?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
