I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize