After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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