If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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