i think my tv is drunk
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
