Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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