I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize