god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
