Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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