Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
