Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
