Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
