I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize