can u get pink eye on your cock?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
tell me about the fingering
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize