1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
