I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
