We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
