this beer tastes like vomit already
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
