He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
