did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
