It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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