So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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