Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
