It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
