Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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