There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize