I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
