Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
