I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
