Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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