Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
