Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
