Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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