Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
