Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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