Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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