at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize