when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's never too late to be topless.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
