We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Buhtt sex?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
