You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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