You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
