I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
