All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My balls are so social today.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
