I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
