ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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