I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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