Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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