Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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