I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
