so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
