you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
