Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
