You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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