Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
