my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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