I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
