I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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