Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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