Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
