Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
