He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
