screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
