What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
