I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
