Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
