Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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