Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
