Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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